I thought I’d become immune to embarrassment because I’ve been following my own advice on using decent doses of ignorance whenever I encountered embarrassing situations.

Last weekend, however, I realized that I’m not as emotionally tough as I thought because I got to experience immense embarrassment while I was doing my weekly grocery shopping in the local supermarket…

To cut a long story short, I ran into one of my work colleagues – he’s a nice Irish fella – and somehow we both got completely tongue-tied when facing each other. To make the matters worse, he had his wife with him and obviously the whole situation became extremely awkward because I’d never spoken to her.

Also considering the fact that I’ve rarely said anything more to him than “Hello!” and “See ya!” at work, I don’t think you’ll find it hard to imagine how two adult men may not find ANYTHING to say to each other. Well, to tell you the truth, the resulting situation was so embarrassing that I literally lost control over it and it started to resemble an accident scene unfolding before my eyes.

Do you know the feeling when you’re witnessing something terrible happen but your body freezes up and you’re unable to do anything? I was experiencing something similar at that moment because I felt I was losing grip on reality. Clearly the totally confused red-faced person who just stood staring at the other two people with no ability to say something sensible in English wasn’t me; it was someone else having taken over my body!

And the Irish fella wasn’t in a much better position – he was as tongue-tied as me unable to come up with anything reasonable to say to me.

As you can imagine, the morale of this story is that it doesn’t matter who you are – a foreign or a native English speaker.

Either one of you can get tongue-tied BECAUSE OF EMBARRASSMENT and the language actually plays a little role in it!

Blame Anything Else BUT Your English!

It’s quite natural for native and also other foreign speakers to assume that once you have difficulties expressing yourself properly in English, it must have something to do with English fluency.

More often than not, it’s actually embarrassment and awkwardness itself that make you lose the ability to speak in English properly on that particular occasion, it’s just that others might assume your English is poor. Sadly enough, it may have an even bigger detrimental effect on your English fluency!

Therefore it’s critical for your confidence as a foreign English speaker to mentally distance yourself from the awkward situation and develop the ability to remain subjective

Yes, I know it’s easier said than done, but listen to this – even as I walked away from the mortifying encounter with the work colleague and his wife, I knew EXACTLY WHAT went on during our attempted casual conversation, and WHY we both failed miserably even to exchange any small-talk phrases:

• he wasn’t sure about my level of English, and that factor alone would make him a bit unsure as to how to speak with me;
• we’ve never spoken about anything AT WORK; so no wonder it was an awful lot more difficult to find something to say to each other OUTSIDE WORK;
• his wife was also with him, and he felt a bit uneasy in her presence;
• I half expected him to take initiative with the conversation so when he didn’t say anything I couldn’t get a word over my lips;
• I was surprised about his awkward reaction which made it even more difficult for me to think of anything to say (I guess on that particular situation it went both ways…)

All the above factors combined resulted in one of the most embarrassing moments in a long time, and please note that lack of spoken English skills isn’t one of them

It could happen to two foreign English speakers meeting up.

I also don’t see any reason why two native English speakers couldn’t get tongue-tied running into each other.

And it can most definitely happen to people speaking the same foreign language – it has happened to me and I’m sure you can think of at least a couple examples as well!

So blame bad luck, bad timing or bad manners – but stop blaming your English skills ONCE you know that on most occasions you’re perfectly capable of handling encounters with other English speakers.

And of course, don’t forget that any native English speaker can also get tongue-tied in a middle of a conversation!

Make no mistake about it – it’s not that easy to ignore such embarrassing situations, but it’s a MUST because you’re mental state is crucial in maintaining your English fluency.

The Right Thing to Do is to Say SOMETHING.
It’s Not Always Possible, Though…

I’ve provided loads of advice on this blog about overcoming similar situations when you just can’t think of the right thing to say.

You should use hesitation filler phrases to fill gaps in your speech while you’re searching for the most fitting phrase, expression or words to say.

You should slow your speech down because speaking fast makes it nearly impossible to pronounce words and sentences properly in English when you’re agitated.

You have to look at the actual topic at hand and you’ll probably realize that you’re trying to say something just to please your conversation partner. If that’s the case, you have to make conscious effort to get yourself really involved in the conversation and that might just do the trick.

Sometimes you can stop second-guessing yourself by simply spitting out the first thing on your mind.

None of these strategies will work completely, however, when you’re as embarrassed as I was when running into my work colleague in a supermarket last weekend.

I was doing my best to break the ice and say something meaningful, but the few sentences I could utter where so clumsy and stupid that I cursed myself for being such an idiot…

I was trying to frantically think of something else to say, and normally I’m quite successful at putting on a performance even in an awkward atmosphere, but my mind just had blanked out and I couldn’t think of anything!

Well, what do you think I did right after that?

I just let it go.

Yes, I just shrugged it off, and even though it stayed with me for a while, I just forced myself to forget this incident and move on.

You see, there was a time when I let such situations get on top of me, and I would have been terribly distraught for days. I would have been very depressed because I would have assumed such a situation occurred because of my poor English skills.

Now I know better, my friends foreigners, and so should you.

As they say – ignorance is bliss!

Next time I go to do my weekly groceries, however, I’ll have a few conversation topics prepared in case I run into the same chap again…

Better be safe than sorry!

Robby

P.S. Would you like to find out why I’m highlighting some of the text in red? Read this article and you’ll learn why it’s so important to learn idiomatic expressions and how it will help you to improve your spoken English!

P.S.S. Are you serious about your spoken English improvement? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!

Everybody is a salesperson – even if you’re not aware of it.

If you’re looking for a new job, you’re going to attend quite a few job interviews trying to do your best to sell your skill set and experience.

When you’re meeting a potential partner you’re automatically putting on a performance to show yourself off – you’re essentially selling yourself just like any professional marketer would sell a product or a service. By concealing the downsides and emphasizing the advantages you’re increasing your chances of having the edge over your rivals, right?

Same goes with nearly every other aspect of your life whenever you’re doing something that may possibly work to your benefit.

When you’re cooking for your family – you’re selling your cooking skills.

When you’re being professional and nice to a customer on the phone – you’re selling your customer service skills in order to remain in high estimation among the management of your company and earn promotion in the future.

But here’s the thing – and every good marketer is going to confirm this – it’s very important HOW you sell it; you will outdo your competition 9 times out of 10 even if what you sell isn’t as good as your competitor’s!

You may not be a professional cook, yet if you’ve served the food nicely and used enough spices, it may be just as tasty as what your partner cooks.

“OK, I get it Robbie, but what it’s got to do with the English language? Your blog is about dealing with spoken English issues but you keep ranting about sales and marketing related stuff!”

Fair enough, I understand your impatience; however, I didn’t come up with these sales and marketing related examples out of thin air. There is a very direct connection between being a good marketer and a foreign English speaker. Namely, you have to SELL YOURSELF as an English speaker

Use Body Language To Project A Confident Image

All else being equal, you’ll come across as a more entertaining and eloquent English speaker if you use plenty of gestures to emphasize the main points of your speech. You can use your hands to help you to explain nearly everything – starting from technical things like describing how a particular machine works and ending with helping your conversation partner to understand abstract concepts.

Many of you would be naturally good communicators and using body language would be a second nature to you. Some of you, on the other hand, would be slightly more introvert by nature and that might show even more when you communicate with English speakers. You know – there’s always a chance you’ll make an odd mistake, or hesitate, or won’t be able to put your thoughts into the right words and that in turn may make you freeze up and get stuck in the middle of your speech.

If it ever happens to you – try to use your hand gestures to send a message to your conversation partner that you’re not confused and left in a state of flux. And on top of using your hands, use simple hesitation filler phrases such as “What do you call it…”, “You see…”, “You know…” to indicate that whatever words you’re looking for have just slipped your mind and that it’s got nothing to do with you being unable to speak proper English.

Hand gestures isn’t the end of it all, of course – you should engage your facial features as well as the whole body to give away an image of a confident person. Smile even if you feel grumpy and keep your hands in the region of your chest or belly ready to gesticulate to create an impression of being active and involved.

Don’t stand with your arms folded or clasped behind your back as this will make you look arrogant or unsure of yourself. Remember – people will perceive what you have to say depending on how they see you If you come across as a friendly and easy-going person, the communication is also going to be more effective and your conversation partner is going to be more open!

Use Smart English Phrases To Impress
Your Conversation Partners

You don’t need to be academically educated in English philology to come across as a very fluent English speaker. Quite often the trick is to say the right thing at the right time, and that’s when knowing a handful of phrases may be even more useful than a large vocabulary of sophisticated, very formal English words.

Phrases like “it puts things in perspective”, “at the end of the day”, “regardless of what happens” and similar can be used in so many different situations that each of them is worth much more than just the words contained within it.

For instance, you can use the phrase “Yes, it really puts things in perspective” whenever somebody tells you a shocking story about some sort of a natural disaster having happened somewhere on the planet. That one phrase says so much – it proves that you understood what was being told to you, it shows you’re a compassionate person, and it also confirms you’re a person worthy discussing interesting topics with.

I’m not saying you can become a fluent English speaker by learning a handful of English phrases, speaking fluent English entails an awful lot more than that!

Nevertheless, if you use smart English phrases in conversations to help you make your point and make it easier to get the message across, your estimation in the eyes of others will definitely go up and you’ll be selling yourself as a foreign English speaker properly!

Stress Your Strengths And Conceal Your Weaknesses
Just Like In A Job Interview!

The above statement is true in every aspect of life including successful communication with other English speakers – both foreign and native. A lot of times success of the outcome of your conversation with another English speaker will depend on how well you conducted the conversation and also how confident you were as a person.

So if you have any weaknesses – such as making certain mistakes when speaking English – try not to make them and also think of ways to eliminate them.

Let’s say, you’re aware that you have a tendency to speak very fast and mispronouncing words is a frequent occurrence when you’re involved in a conversation – especially with strangers. Now, you should make a conscious effort to slow your speech down every time you feel a bit agitated and also make sure you pronounce words clearly by controlling your mouth movements and don’t get carried away by desire to sound like a native speaker and speak super fast.

If you know that you’re prone to making certain grammar mistakes – use shorter sentences. Why bother with trying to create super long grammar constructs and possibly get stuck while trying to do so if you can say it simpler and sound just as fluent?

Maybe your strength on a particular occasion is having valuable information that your conversation partner would want to hear and you can use it to raise your stocks – so make it your priority instead of trying to be a 100% perfect with your English grammar constructs. And believe me – if the person you’re chatting with is really into it, they won’t even notice many of your mistakes so that’s not really at issue at that given moment!

You see – the problem quite often is that foreign English speakers try PROVING the opposite instead of using their strengths and concealing their weaknesses.

They kind of think – “this time I’m really going to impress him with how fast I can speak, and I know I can do it!” And then they start mispronouncing words and getting stuck for words, and communication might not be as successful as it would have been if they played their cards right!

OK, it’s about time to wrap it up and I hope you gained some valuable insights into how to sell yourself properly when speaking English. Force yourself to be polite and smile even if you don’t feel like it, loosen up your body and use gestures to make your verbal presentation more visual, and also don’t fall for the same mistakes you’ve been making all along!

Robby

P.S. Are you ready to get on the fast track to spoken English fluency? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!

I’ve received countless e-mails saying basically the same thing – “Robby, I’m a useless English speaker, when I try to speak with other English speakers – especially native ones – I get very nervous. I’m struggling to say the right words and I hesitate a lot when speaking…”

Well… Maybe you’re right… to a point. You’re useless as far as you believe you are, and the more you convince yourself of it, the deeper the conviction gets ingrained into your mind. It’s the so called self-fulfilling prophecy when something happens just because you believe it will happen

Don’t take me wrong, I’m not suggesting you should turn a blind eye to the problem and just ignore it. While ignorance may be bliss on some occasions – such as ignoring strangers’ opinion of your level of English simply because they can’t possibly know how well you speak just because you’ve made a mistake when speaking with them – you still have to deal with your emotional and mental issues preventing you from fully enjoying English conversations.

So what I’m saying is – even though the issue is there, you have to change the way you view it. You have to analyze the nature of the issue, make conclusions and see if you really are as useless as you think. Subsequently, you should come to realize that the issue isn’t as bad as you believe it is, and that conclusion in turn should make you into a more confident English speaker.

Essentially it’s the same self-fulfilling prophecy – only now you have to get it to work to your favor!

Now, are you ready to turn your assumption that you suck at speaking English on its head?

Creating a List of Feelings and Emotions

Now we’re going to dissect your assumptions, beliefs, and feelings about you as a useless foreign English speaker. For this purpose please take a blank sheet of paper and a pen and get ready to write down honest answers to the following questions.

I’ll be frank with you – I could give you a ready list of emotions you most likely feel simply because there were times when I was in the same boat. I know how it feels when you make mistakes, struggle for words and hesitate in front of somebody who’s looking at you expectantly. Still, I want you to write your own list because I want you to analyze your own emotions – it’s crucial for the task we’re trying to accomplish here!

Question #1. What do you think your conversation partner thinks about you when you say the wrong word or use a wrong grammar construct during a conversation? What does he think about you as an English speaker and also – what he thinks of you as a person?

Question #2. How do you feel when you make a mistake, struggle for words or hesitate during a conversation with another English speaker? What goes on in your mind, how do you view yourself, and how would you describe the prevalent three emotions you experience at the moment when you realize you’ve said something wrong or quite the opposite – couldn’t say anything despite knowing deep inside what you wanted to say?

Question #3. Think of a particular occasion when you felt humiliated because of your inability to live up to your expectations in terms of speaking English and write a few sentences about it describing the emotions you felt. It can be a job interview where you performed terribly, a conversation where there were a number of people involved and you felt that you stood out from the crowd with your lack of spoken English skills, or a particularly embarrassing encounter with a member of the opposite sex and you messed it all up making completely stupid mistakes when speaking with her or him!

Take your time, and don’t read any further until you’ve accomplished the task, all right?

OK, now when the list is ready, write a big headline on the top of the page: “THIS IS WHY MY SPOKEN ENGLISH SUCKS” and keep the list in front of you while you keep reading this article.

Here’s my list, and I would imagine yours is quite similar in terms of emotions described:

Answer #1. I think that when I make a mistake during a conversation with another English speaker, they think I’m not as good as an English speaker as they are. I feel they start patronizing me and speaking to me as if I were a child; they basically think I’m a loser.

Answer #2. When I make a mistake when speaking English, it makes me very nervous, I get very embarrassed and I also get angry with myself for not being able to speak like other, better English speakers do. I also feel very exposed and vulnerable because I feel as if everyone’s attention is turned on me.

Answer #3. I remember I was offered a promotion when I was working as a Service Desk Operator. They offered me an Analyst’s position where I would be assigned the most difficult customer issues to resolve and also there would be an addition to my salary. Before I could start in the new role, I was told I would have a formal interview with our team’s Mentor. I walked into the room, sat down and right after he began asking me questions, I felt that for some reason I just couldn’t explain myself properly. I got very anxious, I made mistakes in every sentence I said, and I had a feeling it’s not me who’s speaking now. I wished the interview was over as soon as possible and I felt a tremendous relief when we shook hands and I walked back to my work station.

Refuting Your Own Arguments

So now you have a list in front of you which is more or less similar to mine and all that you wrote on it forms your conviction that you suck as an English speaker. And why wouldn’t it be right once there’s so much evidence on your list to back it up, right?

Because I can prove you wrong, my friend foreign English speaker!

Let’s take each and every one of the feelings described in the list and see if we can expose any flaws in them! I’m going to do it with my list – you do it with yours; the main counterarguments, however, will be the same.

They think I’m not as good as an English speaker as they are.

I feel they start patronizing me.

They think I’m a loser.

Now, ask yourself a question – “HOW CAN I KNOW WHAT THEY THINK? Am I some sort of a telepath who can intrude people’s thoughts and know what they’re thinking?”

I deliberately asked the first question about what you think of the other person’s opinion about you so that I could prove that it’s actually YOU WHO FEELS THAT WAY! The other person can only be a catalyst for your own insecurities and every hint of their disapproval of your spoken English skills gets magnified tenfold because you become very, very sensitive when you make mistakes when speaking.

Basically you make yourself believe that your conversation partner thinks you’re not as good as they are and that you’re a loser, and you also start being paranoid about being patronized.

Also, on those occasions when you’re convinced you’ve been speaking with someone who looks down on you and makes assumptions about your level of spoken English, you should bear in mind that arrogant behavior quite often is just a façade for feeling insecure inside. You may think the guy you turned to for technical advice at work was irritated with the way you asked the question while in reality he had had a terrible row with his girlfriend that morning and you were just an outlet for his emotional built-up!

LOGICAL CONCLUSIONS: You’re trying to rationalize your own insecurity by blaming your conversation partners. Your statements regarding what others thought about you are flawed because you can never know for sure what opinion the other person has! It’s also called second-guessing and can’t be possibly used as valid evidence that your spoken English sucks

You can put a big cross over whatever negative statements you wrote in the first section – and now we can move onto the second question!

Making mistakes makes me very nervous.

Fair enough – but did you know that making mistakes is a very natural thing? Everyone makes mistakes in all aspects of life, you can’t become good at something without the trial and error stage, and speaking English is no different.

What you have to do now is – remove the negative aspect of the word ‘mistake’ by recalling a situation when somebody made a funny mistake when speaking English – such as a spoonerism – and everyone had a laugh about it – including the speaker. See – mistakes can be a great course of amusement and after all – how could we ever learn anything without making at least some mistakes? You can rarely get something correct right off the bat!

I get very embarrassed

I get angry with myself for not being able to speak like others.

I feel very exposed and vulnerable because I feel as if everyone’s attention is turned on me.

All right, so you experience all these feelings… But… what’s it got to do with the actual level of your English? Emotions, emotions, emotions – they’re all very individual and for the most part they aren’t good enough as objective criteria. You get embarrassed when making a mistake during an English speech; your conversation partner, on the other hand, might feel intimidated by your physical characteristics despite being quite fit and good looking himself.

It is human nature to compare yourself with others and judge yourself more harshly than the others ever would; therefore you can’t really trust your emotions to make a claim that you suck as an English speaker.

LOGICAL CONCLUSIONS: Your emotional insecurity can’t possibly be an indicator of your spoken English skills. You see – we all have experienced disappointment in terms of our performance in nearly all aspects in our lives at some stage. By the same token, you should say that you suck as an employee because you sometimes feel frustrated when you can’t solve some problem at work; you suck as a computer user because you can’t type as fast as your colleague sitting next to you and you feel ashamed when he’s watching you typing…

You suck pretty much at everything, right? Well, I hope you start seeing why focusing on the negative emotions isn’t going to get you far.

What you have to do is – draw a large cross over the second section because your negative emotions don’t prove anything. Let’s move onto the third section – a description of a very bad experience from the past!

So we have a very vivid example of a situation that has made you feel bad about your spoken English and has done a terrible damage to you confidence levels. After a dozen such situations you’ve started approaching any similar occasion – talking to a stranger, a superior at work, or a native English speaker – already expecting a failure. It’s a vicious circle you’ve fallen into, and it evokes all those negative feelings you mentioned on your list.

What you have to do is – you have to bring back memories of situations when you’ve had conversations with people you’ve felt comfortable with so you didn’t even focus on your spoken English performance. It can also be a self-practice session when you have a conversation with yourself; anything goes really – you just have to be able to clearly remember the scene of you speaking fluent English.

Next – write down a couple of sentences about 3 such occasions when you had a perfect conversation in English with someone and you could feel your fluency being at its best – you’ve surely had such moments.

Now, read through these descriptions again and again and try to describe your English skills. Do you feel your spoken English skills sucked at that moment? I don’t think you do, right?

LOGICAL CONCLUSIONS: If we remove the negative memories and focus on the positive ones, we can get a much different perspective on our spoken English skills. You should realize that if you’ve been able to perform very well on a good number of occasions, you can’t possibly suck at spoken English – such generalization is simply wrong! Yes, you may suck at speaking English SOMETIMES – but that’s an entirely different matter altogether.

Put a line through the headline “THIS IS WHY MY SPOKEN ENGLISH SUCKS” and write a new one – “I’M A FLUENT ENGLISH SPEAKER”.

And now tell yourself – “I just PROVED I’m a fluent English speaker and despite having my ups and downs I believe in my abilities as a foreign English speaker.”

I hope this DID help you – and if you found this method useful – share it with your friends using the social bookmarking tool below!

Robby

P.S. Are you ready to get on the fast track to spoken English fluency? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!

I’m sure you’re familiar with the feeling when you think so much ABOUT HOW TO SAY something in English, that eventually you can’t say anything at all! Different English Tenses, verb forms and synonyms are swarming in your head and the information overload shuts your operational memory down, so to speak.

You mightn’t have given it a conscious thought, but all these problems originate in the fact that you prepare your speech before actually speaking out loud instead of speaking instantaneously. Besides, the more you think about HOW to respond to a question or say something in English, the more choices you have to make and the bigger the information overload becomes.

Consequently it may become nearly impossible for you to make a decision on what English Grammar Tense is to be used, what words would describe the situation best, and so on; also fear of making mistakes prevents you from saying AT LEAST SOMETHING just to get the speech going.

When you write, you can make well calculated decisions and decide what means of expression is the most appropriate for the given situation. When you have all but a split second to make that decision during an actual live conversation, your brain just cannot act that fast. When being forced to deliver an instant speech and make multiple choices at the same time, you may find it overwhelming, and you may develop a monkey-mind syndrome when you feel as if you’re paralyzed and completely unable to deliver a normal speech.

Somewhere during your quest for perfection quality of what you’re saying in English has taken over performance – the speech itself – and your perfectionist nature requires you to analyze almost everything you’re saying.

How to stop doing it? Why it’s happening? Find out answers to these and more questions by reading the rest of this blog post!

Information Overload – Bottleneck Effect

If preparing speech in your head and translating from your native language is often the case when you communicate with other English speakers, you can make it a dangerous ground for your English fluency. You see – if you don’t improvise when speaking English but treat speech as if you were writing it all down on a piece of paper, you need a lot of extra time to think through all grammar aspects while at the same time you’ve already opened your mouth to say something and your chat partner is expectantly looking at you.

Of course, you should never feel pressured into speaking too fast and you’re completely free to ignore your conversation partner’s arrogant behavior if they think you speak too slowly, or if they consider taking extra time as a sure sign of lack of spoken English skills.

One way or another, when you speak you have less time to think about what to say before you say it out loud than if you were writing and you could dedicate more time and resources to sculpting your English sentences to perfection.

And that’s when a bottleneck effect emerges – if you imagine all your English knowledge and skill being poured into a funnel, you obviously can’t process all that information and produce fluent English speech because of your natural limitations

Every human being can do only so much in terms of information processing, and that’s when information overload occurs. You want to make multiple decisions within a millisecond, and it inevitably makes your speech hesitant and unnatural

Before you produce an English sentence, you have to decide what Grammar Tense you should use – and you’ll make that decision based on English Grammar Tenses table you can easily depict in your mind’s eye. You’re thinking – “It happened before a certain moment in the past, therefore it calls for Past Perfect Tense which is formed using Simple Past form of the verb “to have” and adding the Past Participle of the main verb – “I had seen the movie before we watched it last night … we were watching it last night …” Hold on – do I have to use Simple Past or Past Continuous Tense? No, Past Continuous wouldn’t be the proper tense because I’m not really referring to the actual process of watching the movie – so I have to go with Simple Past instead…”

Such and similar speech preparation and planning processes would be going on in your head, and quite naturally it distracts you from the real task at hand – speaking!

Your general English knowledge might be profound, yet you can find yourself struggling to produce fluent speech, and all because there’s all this analyzing and planning going on in your head. It’s like as if you’re trying to predict all eventualities of what you might say, and then you’re trying to find the best option among them all.

Such approach to creating content in English would prove itself quite difficult even when writing – let alone speaking!

Paralyzed by Analysis? Say the First Thing on Your Mind!

Such paralysis by analysis situations are closely related to striving for perfection when speaking English, and I have to admit it’s quite understandable.

If you KNOW that there are many ways of saying the same thing, surely you want to make sure you’re saying in correctly and in the best way possible?

Fair enough, but don’t forget the bottleneck effect

When you’re having an actual English conversation, you have no time to make calculated decisions. You might be very good at multitasking, yet the additional stress and tension which is often present when you’re speaking with a real English speaking person will make it much harder to produce coherent and fluent English sentences than as if you were typing an e-mail, for example.

So how to deal with those situations when your mind seems to be swarming with words, English Grammar Tenses, conjugations and word lists and you obviously over-analyze the whole thing?

Just say the first thing on your mind!

Instead of trying to figure out which English Grammar Tense you should use, just go with the first one that comes to your mind! For instance, you’re chatting with someone at work and you’re asked when exactly you plan to take your holidays this year.

You have two options here. You can simply say: “I’m going for my holidays in six weeks, but this time we’re staying in the country, we’re not going abroad.” The other option is weighing all the pros and cons of the different ways of speaking about future actions.

“My holidays are booked, so it’s certain that I will take them. Maybe I can use WILL + verb Future form in this case – “I’ll go for my holidays in six weeks…” Hold on, hold on, the WILL + verb Future form is normally used when making instant decisions; my holidays were planned so I can probably use the GOING TO Future form which is used for future plans – “I’m going to go for my holidays in six weeks…” Wait. The whole thing has been already arranged; doesn’t it call for Present Progressive to be used? “I’m going for my holidays in six weeks…” Yes, that sounds like the best option in this situation!”

This whole analysis in your mind wouldn’t take anywhere near as long it took you to read it, of course. I was just trying to make it obvious to you how much brain capacity is used unnecessarily when you speak English and over-analyze things. It may take just a couple seconds, but it will still damage your fluency, and what’s even more important – prevent you from speaking automatically.

Just think about any other acquired skill you have – be it driving a car, playing online games, or just about anything else that you’re quite good at.

Do you think about HOW to switch gears and WHEN to switch from the second into the third gear while driving? If you would, your car would be jerking as if you’d sat behind the steering wheel for the first time!

Do you put conscious effort into thinking WHICH buttons to press when you play World of Warcraft? But of course you don’t – or else you wouldn’t be capable of acting fast!

Personally I’m good at typing fast – I don’t even have to look at the keyboard and my fingers are dancing over the keys by themselves. The moment I try to switch on my conscious mind – it gets much harder and I wouldn’t be even able to call out all the letter arrangement without placing my fingers on the keyboard and imagining that I’m typing.

As you can see, the common thing in all those aforementioned examples is automatic action. If you act automatically, you’ll perform well, and your conscious mind doesn’t even have to be engaged. It’s like when you’re driving and chatting with someone, you’re not even paying attention to the driving process.

Your English speech should be no different. You have to speak automatically, and learn to leave the over-analyzing behind you

Sure, by saying the first thing on your mind you’re bound to make some mistakes along the way, but then you always have to remember that it’s only going to get better and better over time.

When you engage in English conversations with other English speakers, your subconscious mind adopts natural English speech patterns used by others and you make less mistakes – you just have to believe in yourself to keep yourself motivated.

It’s essential to learn to accept that you’re going to make more mistakes when speaking without much analyzing, yet I think it’s price well worth paying in order to speak fluently and without much hesitation.

As you get better you’ll realize that on most occasions the first thing that comes in your mind IS the right thing to say, and on those occasions when it’s not – just go back and correct yourself OR just do nothing but simply take a notice of the mistake so that you can eradicate it. A little bit of thinking is necessary to get your English speech right, so I have to give some ground here and admit that it’s not just about blabbering away anything that comes to your mind.

By saying that you have to speak the first thing on your mind I meant that you just have to stop making choices between what to say, but I don’t deny that you have to know WHAT YOU WANT to say!

It’s also very easy to get stuck in a middle of an English conversation if you’re trying to speak very fast and kind of get everything out of your mouth, but there’s nothing to say simply because you don’t know much about the topic, or you just haven’t got an opinion on it.

So first make sure you KNOW WHAT you want to say, but then stop analyzing too much and just say something. When you get used to speaking English fluently you’ll be amazed at how good it feels when you can speak without any conscious effort!

Robby

P.S. Are you ready to get on the fast track to spoken English fluency? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!

I’ve published loads of articles in the past dealing with English speakers’ confidence issues, but I’m resolute to drive it home this time.

I was browsing the Web last night and started reading different language learning articles and related comments, and after reading a particularly heated clash of opinions I suddenly realized WHY so many foreign English speakers and indeed – learners and improvers of ANY LANGUAGE – are intimidated and may potentially develop a phobia of speaking their target language.

Not that I didn’t know it prior to that, it’s just that for some reason it became so clear to me last night…

So here you go – it’s the academically minded foreign language speakers (and sometimes also native speakers) who feel superior to ANYONE who can’t speak at their level that make others feel that they’re useless as foreign language speakers

If You’re Not As Good As Me – You’re Crap!

Any language should be just a means to an end, not and end in itself (unless you’re a pro linguist or a language teacher – then it’s a different story altogether), which means that you should enjoy living in an English speaking society, for example, and enjoy the very communication process instead of being too hung up on grammar, vocabulary and other technical aspects of the language.

You should approach language studies as a vehicle to become more successful, get a better job, enjoy going out with other English speakers, whatever.

You SHOULD NOT, and I mean it – YOU SHOULD NOT – see learning and improving English or any other language as a feat in itself to brag about and feel superior to others who can’t use expressions and vocabulary that you can.

Are you a really advanced student of the English language? Fair enough! But then – why be constantly JUDGING other foreigners by the same standards? If you can use the English language better than the average English speaker – it’s cool. But is it any good for the average Joe to attempt achieving the same super-high level of foreign language amidst all other things they have to do in their lives – bringing up children, going to work, socializing, enjoying their hobbies, relaxing, going in for sports, moving houses, setting up direct debits for their utility bills, ringing up their broadband provider’s customer services, making appointments with a doctor, getting a car serviced…?

The list could go on an on, and the whole point in giving you one was to show that there’s so much happening in a normal person’s life that they simply can’t focus so many resources on achieving a complete proficiency in a language they’re using to communicate with others.

Yet those who’ve achieved proficiency in a language often make others feel ashamed of their language skills and as a result they DON’T EVEN TRY to speak and they lose any motivation to improve upon it. I think a typical example is a schoolboy, who’s considered by all teachers not to be the sharpest tool in the shed, so he’s just sitting at a desk at the very back of the classroom and the English teacher pays the least amount of attention to him.

Sometimes, however, this schoolboy who’s never uttered a word in English at school moves to an English speaking country and becomes more fluent in English than his former classmates. You see – it’s all about practical usefulness, and while his English teacher is very good at what he does, the former student now has found practical application to the English language whereas in the classroom he was only forced into doing grammar tests.

But then the brightest girl in the class chooses to study the English language at university in order to become an English teacher herself. She becomes very eloquent in the language and it in turn adds to her self-image and she sees herself as a true professional in terms of knowing EVERY ASPECT of the English language. She develops a habit of spotting mistakes made by other English speakers – be it native or foreign – and doesn’t refrain from making remarks like – “It’s just ridiculous, and he calls himself an English speaker? I could speak in such a manner in the 6th grade at school!”

In other words, this person feels as if THEY OWN the English language and have undisputable rights to make assumptions and judgments about others just because they’ve done so well.

And when she happens to meet the former quiet schoolboy who’s doing very well for himself having acquired English fluency MATCHING HIS PERSONAL NEEDS, the first thing she thinks upon hearing him speak is – “And that’s what he calls speaking English? He’d better be ashamed of himself and he should have kept his Basic English stuff to himself!”

That’s why, my friends, so many foreigners lose any motivation to learn and improve their language skills.

If they feel they CAN’T BE THE BEST, they think – “What’s the point in learning and improving my language skills at all?”

If You’re an Advanced Language Speaker, You MUST Use Advanced Vocabulary at ALL TIMES!

This is the biggest non-sense I’ve come across during my pursuit after English fluency, and it’s also one of the main factors contributing into foreigners’ speech anxiety

Basically you’re expected to speak using sophisticated vocabulary and correct grammar no matter what the occasion is just because you’re a foreign language speaker. And if, God forbid, you’re using informal expressions and wrong grammar the same way native speakers of that language would, or if you’re using very simple vocabulary to get the message across – you’re branded as a bad speaker of that language and a far cry from being fluent!

I bet you’ve felt this sort of an attitude directed towards you at some stage, and I’ll hazard a guess that it might be the reason why you’re always trying to over-deliver when speaking in English with others. And you know what?

Trying to over-deliver is probably also the reason why you often get stuck in a middle of sentence and start having the monkey-mind syndrome

I’ve had it myself, and I know how it feels. You feel overwhelmed, you have all these English tenses and words and what not floating around your head and you literally want to say it ALL OUT but all of a sudden you can’t say a thing… All because you’ve been PRESSURIZED into trying to speak like an English professor!

This stupid and completely unfounded notion that once you’re a foreign English speaker you SHOULD KNOW BETTER than to speak using simple sentences is utter rubbish.

Just think about it – do you always speak in your language as if addressing a board of directors in a Fortune 500 company? Do you always use the most sophisticated vocabulary and expressions JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEM? Of course you don’t! So why would it be any different for a foreign speaker of that language? Why should foreign speakers feel the scrutiny of perfectionists and why should they be pressurized into speaking meeting the highest English language standards?

Those perfectionists will tell you – because you know better, because you’ve been well educated, because high standards must be maintained, because THEY THINK that if you speak in a simple way you’re lowering yourself to a beginner student’s level…

Hold on.

Why should YOU or ME or ANY other foreign English or any other language speaker meet some ABSTRACT industry imposed expectations? Did we sign some sort of an agreement binding us to speak and write the language we learnt at the highest level and highest level only? I didn’t. Did you?

Next time you feel obliged to speak using the most sophisticated vocabulary and super-perfect grammar, tell yourself – “I’m not lowering my language standards by speaking this way; I’m OK to speak in a simple way and if I weren’t a foreigner, no-one would ever judge me for using simple vocabulary or hesitating during a conversation when under stress!”

Oh, but those perfectionists would even judge native English speakers; they would gladly point out an odd mistake made by a native (do you not make mistakes when speaking or writing in your native language?) and they would feel very important while doing it!

I personally think it’s a way of making up for shortcomings in other parts of their lives – most likely their own insecurity or something, so my only advice to you would be – IGNORE if:

• native speakers make assumptions about your level of fluency based on separate incidents – an odd mistake or hesitation;
• foreigners make assumptions about your level of fluency just because they can use more sophisticated vocabulary than you OR their academic knowledge is at a highest standard than yours.

I come from the Eastern Europe myself and over the years spent in Ireland I’ve heard many comments made by other Latvians, Russians and Poles regarding the English language. “Irish themselves can’t speak proper English!” or “This is not how you’re supposed to say it in English, my English teacher was a true professional and this is how it should be:…” or “When I was with the military, our interpreter could speak better English than the English themselves!”

Do you feel the arrogance shining through such comments?

I understand the mentality of the former USSR and other Communist block countries’ people, and I know that it’s the decades long suppression in nearly all aspects of life that makes them find something that they’re very good at – or someone they know is good at (in a curious way it still adds to their self-worth!) – and use it as a stick to beat others with!

You may not come from a former Communist country – but still there are so many countries on the world where the living standards are lower than in the western world that those countrymen of yours who’ve become perfect English speakers (or speakers of any other foreign language for that matter) will perceive their knowledge of the language as something that makes them superior to others.

Basically it’s the mentality of those feeling hard done-by and now that they’re become perfect at something, others have to follow their example. Either be like me, or I’ll call you an idiot, so to speak.

A really intelligent person will never judge others if they fall short of their own standards

They’re not going to tell others how to speak, and they’re not going to impose their standards on others.

Maintaining high language standards throughout the educational system and in media is one thing, but telling the average native and foreign speakers that they can’t speak properly in everyday situations just because you can speak perfectly is simply the ultimate display or arrogance, nothing else.

So what can you learn from this? Well – STOP FEELING GUILTY for speaking English (or any other language) in a simple way!

Just because you’ve just passed the highest ESL certificate doesn’t mean you can’t speak with a 10 year old using the same language they do!

If You’re Not as Eloquent as Shakespeare – You’re Not Fluent!

Am I a fluent foreign English speaker? Yes, I am.

Am I as fluent English speaker as the former Californian governor Arnold Schwarzenegger who’s also a foreign English speaker? No, I’m not.

Will I ever be as fluent as him? Probably not, but then the most important thing you have to realize is that IT’S NOT RELEVANT.

I’m not a Californian governor, and I never will be. My spoken and written English skills are adequate for MY PERSONAL SITUATION – my work, interests, hobbies and social life.

Am I saying I don’t aspire to achieve more? Not at all! What I’m saying is that there’s no one-fits-all English fluency definition, and every person’s situation is unique.

Had I chosen a different carrier path in my life and had I become an industry professional in an English speaking country, I’d probably be a much more eloquent English speaker having tens of thousands of words large active vocabulary and being able to talk about the most sophisticated subjects using the same means of expressions as the native speakers would.

Well, anything is possible in life, and who knows – maybe in 20 years I’ll be in a much different position than I’m in now. At the moment, however, my personal and professional needs don’t call for an academic level of English knowledge. I’m working as a dispatch clerk in a knitwear factory, and here at EnglishHarmony.com I’m blogging about English fluency and confidence related issues. I cater to the needs of my audience and I don’t doubt my average website visitor likes my simple and easy going way of writing and delivering video lessons.

I’m not saying I’m not improving on an ongoing basis. Anyone who uses the English language or just about any other language in everyday conversations is inevitably improving.

What I’m trying to say here is simply that one shouldn’t determine fluency in any language by comparing their abilities to the highest academic standards!

I’m going to the gym and I’m working out, but I’m not a professional athlete and those who are HAVE NO MORAL GROUND to judge me unless I’m entering an official competition.

I own a car and I’m a driver, but I’m not a rally-driver and I wouldn’t even stand close to more experienced drivers who know how to drive in bad weather conditions like on ice and how to manage situations when the car goes out of control. And they also have no rights to judge me because I’m not trying to compete with them.

What I don’t like is that there will always be people looking down on others just because they’ve achieved more in the particular field.

I’ve heard muscleheads in the gym making comments about me working out, but what’s the point? I’m working out to keep fit, and that’s as much gym work as I need.

Similarly if I don’t ask for some other English speaker’s unbiased opinion on my fluency levels, who’s given them permission to make comments and judge my English skills and put me down?

What such people don’t realize is that it’s so EASY TO HUMILIATE and DESTROY the other person’s CONFIDENCE, but it takes an enormous amount of work to restore it and get back on the road to fluency

My plea to you is the following – please DON’T LISTEN TO ANYONE who looks down on you and starts bragging about their English (or any other language) literacy, or tells you how wrong others speak. It’s OK to point out mistakes in a normal way, but when someone looks at you and says with a sneer in their voice – “What did you just say? They don’t say it like that in English!” – just ignore such people and never go back to them for advice or anything.

On the finishing note I’d like to say that I haven’t got anything against those who choose to pursue the academic path and study a language thoroughly. It’s no mean feat, and I respect professionals who have become fluent in a foreign language close to a native level or even above – like Dr. Constantin Gurdgiev.

What I have an issue with, however, is condescending attitude by both native and foreign nationals who make assumptions about my English fluency levels, and I strongly believe that this factor is at the heart of the English fluency issue faced by so many foreign English speakers, and it’s also responsible for many learners of foreign languages in general feeling ashamed of speaking with others and losing motivation to improve.

If you’ve had similar experiences in your life, you have to come to terms with it and open a new page in your life.

STOP CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK of your language skills, DON’T COMPARE YOUR LANGUAGE WITH OTHERS for any reason other than mimicking and improving, and tell yourself – “IT’S MY LIFE, IT’S MY ENGLISH, AND NOBODY HAS ANY SAY OVER IT!”

Hoping this will help you,

Best Regards,

Robby

P.S. Are you ready to get on the fast track to spoken English fluency? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!

If I had to name one thing responsible for my spoken English confidence, it would be IGNORANCE.

Are you surprised? Don’t be, because I don’t mean it in a bad way. I’m not ignoring other people when they speak to me; I rather force myself to ignore any negative emotions emerging during a conversation with someone in English!

Let’s say for the argument’s sake, I’m having a conversation with my bank’s local branch manager regarding a loan that I’d like to take out. We’re shaking hands; I’m sitting down and starting explaining the purpose of my visit.

Then all of a sudden, I make a small mistake by calling the loan a “credit” – which is fairly understandable given the fact that loans are called “credits” in my native language which is Latvian. Well, I’ve maintained countless times on my videos that you have to completely eliminate any translation process between your native language and English, and personally I have achieved it.

Still, under slightly stressful circumstances your mind may start playing tricks on you, and I have to confess that I’m not perfect either; no-one is for that matter!

So I’m saying – “I’d like to apply for a loan.” Then the manager asks me – “Have you considered the amount you’d like to borrow?” to which I reply “I recently paid off the previous credit, and I’d like to have another one of the same amount.” But even as I speak the words “previous credit”, I realize I mixed up those two words – “a credit” and “a loan”, so I immediately correct myself by saying “sorry, I mean – the previous loan.” It’s definitely OK to correct yourself during a conversation and it’s much better than allowing mistakes to slip by and risking being misunderstood.

But what making such and similar mistakes can do to you is – they can make you feel very embarrassed, and I bet you know what I’m talking about, right?

Embarrassment is the enemy number one of any foreign English speaker, and it’s a typical example of a negative emotion being evoked in your mind. Embarrassed, ashamed, angry, stressed out – all these are examples of negative emotions that will destroy your spoken English confidence if you allow them to take over your rational mind

This is where ignorance comes into action.

You have to learn to IGNORE those feelings. Ignorance goes hand in hand with not caring, and that’s exactly what I’m suggesting – you have to stop caring what your conversation partner thinks about you and your English

I just made a mistake by calling “a loan” “a credit”. So what? Is it really such a big deal? Even if my branch manager makes a subconscious assumption that my English isn’t as good as he or she expected, so what? Does it make any difference in the loan application process? Well, in theory it could – but in reality I don’t think so.

And even if I start getting quite stressed out and make even more stupid mistakes and start stuttering – it’s not going to affect things on a grand scale. Life will still go on, and the moment I’m walking out of the bank it all stays behind me. It’s gone, it’s not there any more, therefore was it even worth worrying about in the first place?

Of course it wasn’t, so this is what I’m suggesting:

Learn to be ignorant and ignore any bad emotions that threaten your English fluency. Just smile, and enjoy your English conversations with other English speaking people and find contentment in the fact that you KNOW deep inside that your English is very good

It matters not what others think of you, so what is the point in worrying about your spoken English performance?

Don’t take me wrong though – you can’t be ignorant to an extent that you don’t improve your spoken English. You always have to learn from your mistakes, but the trick is to turn off your emotions, if you know what I mean.

Yes, I know it’s not that easy, and I don’t think anyone can master this skill completely. Hey, even I struggle with it on occasions! Yet the very fact that you’re trying means everything, and that’s what really counts at the end of the day!

But if you find it difficult to turn off your emotions, and I can completely understand you, here’s a piece of advice based on my own experience in countless situations when I’ve got overwhelmed by my emotions during a conversation so much that it started affecting my spoken English big time.

So imagine you’re in a situation when you’re getting too agitated during an English conversation because you’re having one of those days when you make a lot of mistakes when speaking, or the particular situation is outside your comfort zone.

Let’s say you just started in a new company and you’re surrounded with new people and one of them starts asking for your opinion on things you don’t really take interest in, or you’re facing someone who feels superior to you with his English knowledge and looks down on you. It could also be a native English speaker speaking with a distinct accent and you’re ashamed to ask him to repeat things after every sentence so you start feeling that you’re useless as an English speaker… So if you find yourself in a similar situation, take a step back and look at the situation from outside.

Ask yourself a question – do I really care what the other person or people think about me? Am I not just trying to please them so that they wouldn’t think badly of me? And even if they do, what affect is it going to have on my life? The likelihood is – NONE.

Your perceived importance of the situation is quite often blown out of proportion and so is the opinion of those people you communicate with

Say for instance, you’re sitting at the table in your launch-break and someone takes a seat next to you and starts having a conversation about the latest model of iPhone. If you’re a gadget freak, fair enough, but if you’re like me you’d start struggling with the conversation not so much because your spoken English is bad but because you don’t know a lot about the iPhone.

So you may start becoming ashamed of yourself, and instead of admitting that you don’t know a great deal about iPhones, you may attempt to get involved in the conversation and as a result you may say something stupid, or make a grammar or a pronunciation mistake. Then your mind would start racing or go blank, and you’d feel like a complete idiot.

But now stop for a while, take a step back and look at the situation from a different perspective. Why is it that you care so much about getting fully involved in the conversation? Why do you automatically want to go with the flow? Is it REALLY important to know everything about everything?

The truth is that after asking yourself these questions you’ll realize you’re driven by vanity, or by your own complex of inferiority

So I think you’ll quite naturally come to a conclusion that on most occasions it’s not so important that you maintain your stature.

Don’t be afraid of using answers like “Well, I don’t know”, or “Sorry, I’m not really into it”. In other words, don’t be afraid to refuse people Shift focus from your English skills which may seem to be culprit in making you stutter and make stupid mistakes, to the actual situation. And then, when you’ve looked at it with fresh eyes, you’ll realize that you can most likely ignore your feelings that are induced by the outside forces.

At last, if you find yourself in a situation when it’s got so bad you don’t really know what to say, just step back and think what’s the WORST that can happen if I just ignore the other person.

Yes, now I’m suggesting to literally ignore people if you fail to deal with the situation with other means.

I do it every now and then when some of my Irish work colleagues make a comment on something but I don’t get it because of their pronunciation or because they speak very fast, blurring words. I’m just not bothered asking five times – “sorry, can you say it again?” I just give them a smile and carry on with whatever I’m doing. I’m ignoring the situation and I don’t care if they think I don’t understand English properly or whatever.

I know what I know, I don’t care what others think about me, and I want you to adopt the same attitude

Of course, I’m not saying you have to ignore when someone asks you a direct question, it would be rude and then you really want to ask the person ten times to repeat it if you don’t get it.

But where the ignorance thing comes in action now is – you have to ignore the fact that you may look silly in their eyes, and you have to ignore the rising emotion of confusion and shame emerging inside of you. Quell it, and tell yourself – it’s nothing important, it’s all right to sound the way I sound and I know that my English skills have nothing to do with this situation!

Robby

P.S. Are you ready to get on the fast track to spoken English fluency? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!

Your English isn’t the same at all times. It changes. At times you may notice you can speak very fluently, with ease. Yet sometimes you may start struggling with speaking in English with someone for no apparent reason!

You have to bear in mind that ups and downs are natural in any human related performance, and spoken English is no different. Unless, of course, you’re experiencing frequent occasions when your mind goes blank and you’re unable to speak in English at all – then we can start speaking about the typical English fluency issue which haunts so many foreign English speakers.

Anyway, fluctuating English fluency is normal, and there are many factors playing an important role in your English fluency – your stress levels at the time of speaking, your overall mental performance, familiarity with the topic you’re discussing and also frequency of your spoken English practice. The more often you speak English, the better you should be able to perform – it’s actually common sense, isn’t it?

Yet one of the most influential factors holding sway over your spoken English performance is PEOPLE you speak with

Haven’t you noticed that it’s very easy to communicate in English with certain people while others make you nervous and your start mispronouncing even the simplest words? I bet you can remember situations when you’ve discussed quite complicated matters in English and it didn’t present any difficulties to you at all; yet on other occasions you’ve felt uncomfortable speaking about simple, everyday topics!

As I said – much of it depends on who you speak with, so let’s delve deeper into the issue so that I can finish off this article with a few pieces of useful advice on how to manage your English conversations regardless of who is your chat partner!

Whenever we speak in English with someone and indeed – in any other language – we adopt a certain stance, certain attitude depending on who we speak with. It may happen unbeknownst to you, yet if you just think about it it’s obvious that depending on what situation you’re in and what people you’re communicating with your attitude changes and so does your English fluency.

Try to remember one person that you’ve had an effortless chat in English with. There has to be one for sure, especially if you live in an English speaking country where there’s plenty of communication opportunities.

Is it one of your work colleagues? Is it someone at your local gym where you’re going for team workouts? Or is it your boss?

The truth is – any of those and hundreds of others have a potential of being the right person you can open up with when speaking in English and unleash your true potential as a foreign English speaker.

What’s surprising is that over the years I’ve realized that it’s not necessarily the person’s social status that determines if you can have a comfortable, fluent English chat with him or her. I’ve had terribly embarrassing encounters with other foreigners whose English is considerably worse than mine, and I’ve had very easy-going and fluent conversations with high level managers in companies I’ve worked in.

I’d rather say it’s all in your own head – it’s your PERCEPTION of others and your EXPECTATIONS that make you more nervous and stressed out when speaking with certain people; it’s not necessarily those people themselves

I, for instance, have two immediate colleagues at work I have to communicate with on a daily basis. One of them is a fellow of my own age group and I’m very comfortable speaking with him. The other man is in his sixties and he speaks in a different manner. Well, I find it more difficult to communicate with him.

You see – in theory I should be capable of speaking with both of my colleagues the very same way. Why not, once my English is fluent and generally I don’t have any problems with speaking about any topic in English? In real life though, there’s a host of factors about my conversation partners that affect my ability to maintain clarity of my thoughts and speech.

How to Deal with Things that Affect Your Ability to Communicate with Others in English

If you’re speaking with someone with poor English, surprisingly enough you may find yourself struggling for words because you may want to put things very, very simply so that the other person understands you.

Also, if you’re addressing a person you want to impress, you may want to sound more fluent than you actually are. It’s one of the biggest pitfalls foreign English speakers fall for, and as a result you may sound much worse than you actually speak just because you don’t speak like yourself and then you start making all sorts of grammar and pronunciation mistakes.

Another scenario – the person keeps asking you to repeat what you’ve just said. It can literally destroy your confidence when speaking English because you make the wrong assumption there’s something wrong with the way you speak. Then you stress out by trying too hard to please the other person and you may start stuttering and forget English words and so on.

You may also find it difficult to speak with other English speakers if you notice anything negative in their attitude towards you. If you’ve being addressed in an arrogant manner and they look down on you – it may be just enough to make you feel that way. Next thing you know – you start struggling when asking or answering questions and your English confidence goes down the drain!

What are the conclusions?

First of all – if you KNOW that your spoken English is decent, you just have to accept that there are certain people who make you nervous and that it’s got nothing to do with your actual English skills.

Secondly – you have to realize that there are things you can change about the way you interact with others. IGNORANCE is what you need to learn, and I don’t mean it in a bad way. You simply need to ignore everything that’s not really relevant – others’ views and attitude first and foremost. I know it sounds easier than it actually is, but it’s not as hard as majority of us think, either. You can make a huge difference in your English confidence just by forcing yourself into not caring as much about what others think about you!

Thirdly – you have to become aware of the fact that others may not even notice how embarrassed you get on certain occasions and that you make small mistakes when speaking English. Remember that you’re seeing things from your own unique perspective. Did you get stuck for words for a short while when responding to the girl behind the counter in the grocery shop? But what if she was so preoccupied with her work-related issues that she didn’t even notice it? Always keep that in mind and it will help you alleviate much of that unnecessary stress that often accompanies embarrassing encounters!

Always Bear in Mind – It’s not Others Making You Angry – It’s Actually Yourself!

Yes, sometimes people will make assumptions about your English or about you as a person. So what? You can’t change it; the only thing you can change is your attitude! And there’s always a chance that it’s just you imagining it all in your head – so that’s why it’s twice as important to let it go if you feel unfairly treated.

Here’s what happened to me this morning when I went to my daughters’ school to have a chat with one of the teachers. The moment I met my daughters’ class teacher and started explaining the purpose of my visit, I started stuttering a bit. I knew it was going to happen because he’s one of those persons speaking with whom my English deteriorates slightly.

And what’s even more shocking – I can’t even put my finger on what’s about my daughters’ teacher that makes me nervous. He’s always very friendly, speaks very clearly and has no problems understanding me. Still when I spoke to him this morning I had to make certain effort to slow down because I kept stumbling upon words.

Anyway, it’s not my daughters’ class teacher’s attitude that made me feel bad. It’s the teacher I had to speak with to discuss the particular issue, so when I walked into his classroom and started speaking I was greeting with this cold look which had a cold shower effect on me. And when he responded to my inquiry I had a feeling that he thinks I’m an complete idiot and I don’t know what I’m talking about.

I ignored it. I just said what I had to say and received information I came for. The moment I walked out of the classroom I stopped caring about how I felt during the conversation.

Maybe the man was just in a bad mood and it had nothing to do with me. Maybe there was nothing wrong at all and his attitude was totally normal. After all – does everyone have to smile and be super-polite when speaking to me? The whole world doesn’t revolve around me!

Anyway, the truth is irrelevant. Whether you’re being treated badly indeed or you just think you are – don’t let it to get you down!

When the conversation has ended, just force yourself to clear your head of all bad emotions. Even if you made mistakes during the conversation, and you still feel embarrassed about it – tell yourself – “It was nothing, I just got stressed out a bit but it’s all over now. FORGET IT.”

So whatever it is in certain English speaking people that makes communication harder – their accent or your accent or pronunciation, speed at which their talk, their attitude or high expectations (which are often imaginary things only in your head) – you can always TRY to lessen your stress by telling yourself that THEY’RE NOT YOUR PROBLEMS.

It won’t always work, and you still may get embarrassed and underperform, but at least you’ll be able to accept such situations as commonplace.

Over time you’ll develop a permanent habit of taking things easier and even your worst English days will get easier and easier to manage.

Remember – most of the time it’s not those other people; it’s yourself who’s responsible for moments when you can’t speak properly with others

Believe me – if I’m trying hard enough, I can have a wonderful chat with my co-worker I normally struggle to speak with. I just have to get rid of all rubbish in my mind about matching his way of speaking and sounding more native – and it truly is the key to regaining spoken English confidence on many similar occasions.

Robby

P.S. Are you ready to get on the fast track to spoken English fluency? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!

Today I’ll tell you about a phrase I heard the other day on the radio and which got me thinking about how foreign English speakers are sometimes perceived among the native English speaking public.

So I was listening to my favourite morning radio show and as usual listeners were sending in text messages and the DJ was reading them out. Among the other messages there was one that wouldn’t make a 100% sense to a native English speaker yet it was obvious what the listener had meant by it.

I don’t really remember what exactly it was, to be honest with you. I just know that it was an awkward word combination not used in real life. It is, of course, quite natural for any native speaker to spot such an odd word combination. And indeed, any of us foreign English speakers having spent long enough time among other English speakers would also notice something that doesn’t sound right.

Little that the radio DJ knew about how foreigners speak, he jumped to a conclusion that the person who had texted in that particular message hadn’t got a good command of English.

You think it’s not a big deal?

It is, and let me tell you why.

The thing is that it’s very easy for a native English speaker to make assumptions about an ESL speaker. I actually think it might originate from a widespread media myth that a fluent foreign English speaker speaks just like a native English speaker with the only difference being a more or less distinct accent.

I’ve often wandered why is it that when they portray foreign English speakers in films they only use native English speaking actors who are good at putting on different accents? In real life even a very decent foreign English speaker would make an odd mistake here and there in terms of a language style and even grammar! Especially, when that person is under stress or being hurried – it can easily happen, and it still happens to me sometimes

This brings us to the next point which is that it may be very hurtful for a foreign English speaker to hear that his English is broken, bad and he hasn’t got a good command of English IF IT’S NOT TRUE!

I’m not saying there aren’t millions and millions of beginner English learners out there with broken and conversationally bad English (no offence meant, this is merely stating a fact). Neither am I claiming you can’t find foreigners whose English is impeccable and you wouldn’t tell them apart from native English speakers.

You see, all I’m writing in this article is dedicated to other foreigners like me who have achieved a level of English that they feel comfortable with.

In other words, we know that we CAN speak, write and understand other English speakers quite well… but still some wise guy doesn’t feel bothered making a completely stupid comment about someone who’s listening to his radio show, texting in a message and waiting for it to be read out…

Do you see where I’m coming from? Could someone who wouldn’t have a good command of English even comprehend what’s being discussed on an English speaking radio show? Of course not!

When I heard that comment being made about the foreigner’s text message, I felt very hurt. Yes, I felt personally hurt by the flippant remark because I know from my past experience how it feels to be wrongly taken for a struggling English speaker while in reality I know that my English is very good.

I know what it feels like when you’re making an insignificant mistake when speaking with a native English speaker yet the person who speaks with you thinks your English is terrible and starts speaking in an exaggerated, slow manner as if speaking to a child.

Still, I don’t blame the radio DJ. Seriously, even though I called his remark flippant and stupid, he didn’t do it deliberately because I know him and he’s a very nice and compassionate guy. He just made a simple assumption based on what he knows about foreigners and to be honest with you – many of foreigners living in Ireland have difficulties with English basics, I can’t deny that.

I don’t blame him for hurting my feelings either, by the way. There’s a saying – “if it that doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger”. I think that we, foreigners, have to do just that when it comes to hearing wrong assumptions about our English fluency. We simply have to develop a thick skin and ignore any comments about our English skills unless it’s constructive criticism. We always have to keep our ears open for something we can learn from.

I hope the guy or girl who texted in the message to the morning radio show took a notice of what was the correct way of saying the particular thing and disregarded the remark about not having a good command of English.

And so should you, my friends! Just let it go, and be content in the knowledge that your English is good enough. How do I know? Well, you wouldn’t be reading my website otherwise, would you?

Robby

P.S. Are you ready to get on the fast track to spoken English fluency? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!

Read the following carefully – you have to be aware of your limitations in terms of English fluency yet you have to constantly improve your spoken English. Are we looking at an apparent contradiction here? Not at all!

Let’s introduce some algebra to help us understand this concept. Look at this hyperbolic graph.

It’s one of the best ways to help us grasp the concept of confined infinity. Essentially it’s the same way as saying that you can constantly keep improving your spoken English but at the same time you can expect there to be a cap, a limit to that growth.

So what the graph above shows is the following. The hyperbolic graph keeps constantly approaching the axis but it never meets it. This line extends infinitely and in theory if you would be able to keep zooming in, you’d see that it never touches the x axis. But just think about this – the axis in itself is a limitation in space, so it marks a certain level. And it’s right here when we can draw parallels with constantly improving English fluency yet it’s limited by your personal circumstances.

Of course, if you’ve loads of money and plenty of free time and dedication, you can push your limits and pursue all possible means to achieve native-like English fluency. Expensive English classes for professionals, special diction and pronunciation courses – only sky is the limit if you’d want to explore all options that are out for foreign English speakers.

However, at the end of the day it all boils down to your daily life and what role English plays in it. You can undertake as many additional activities as you like, but unless you use English extensively in your professional life you just won’t be able lift the x axis. You have to accept the practical limitations to your overall English fluency!

As I said, you can constantly improve your English within your area, which represents your daily activities, work and study routine, interests and so on. And it’s not that you just can, I warmly suggest you DO improve your spoken English! And after all – if you enjoy many activities like speaking with other English speakers, watching English TV shows and movies and reading news websites, your spoken English will improve naturally albeit at a slower pace than if you put a conscious effort into it.

But here’s what I’m trying to tell you today – you don’t have to be critical of your level of English and compare it to someone else’s who leads a completely different lifestyle

This is your life area and it represents who you are and what you do in terms of using spoken English. The hyperbolic graph represents the level of spoken English fluency and your current level of spoken English is probably on the spot marked on the graph above. The function of this graph includes hundreds of variables such as whether you live in an English speaking country, whether you use English at work and what kind of a job you have and so on and on.

Don’t Compare Your Graph With Others!

Let’s say for instance, you have a technical support role in an internet company catering for an English speaking market. You spend plenty of time communicating with English speaking customers on the phone and resolving their issues so the main variable of your English fluency graph would be using English at work. All the additional variables like your interests where you use spoken English and others would also be taken into account drawing this graph, but the main factor would still be your work life.

My point is that you can be very, very good at speaking English in your job, but you still can’t compare your life area and your English fluency graph with that of a foreign English speaker who works as a university lecturer teaching certain subject to native English speakers. That person would have spent his whole life studying in an English speaking environment and would have much larger vocabulary, especially in his field of expertise.

And don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying you can’t be as fluent when speaking English in your environment as that university lecturer in his

Real English fluency can’t be defined by larger vocabulary and on top of that there’s also a chance that the university lecturer would be actually struggling to speak as fluently in working in your place as a technical support operator. You definitely communicate with different people discussing different issues so in reality you can’t actually compare your levels of English fluency.

I remember once I heard my country’s ambassador in Ireland on the radio, and I was impressed by his ability to discuss economical and international issues using very, very good English. He used the same terms and phrases to describe various concepts as used by the local Irish commentators and it got me thinking at the time that how come I can’t speak as fluently about those topics as him? Surely after years and years spent on improving my spoken English I should be capable of discussing any topic at a near-native level?

Well, it’s actually pretty straightforward – I shouldn’t be actually comparing my English with that of my country’s ambassador because our lives are very different. He spends most of his time discussing those issues with officials of all levels, and had I been in his place I’d be probably as fluent as him!

You see, I’ve written many blog posts and shot a number of videos about importance of not comparing your English with others, and that your English is what you are and what you do, and you’ll never be able to be equally good English speaker in all areas of life. Just think about it – you can’t actually discuss ALL topics in your native language because you simply wouldn’t know enough about EVERYTHING!

Today’s lesson is a bit different, however, in that I want you to look at your life and realize that there is a certain limit to what your English fluency can be. It’ determined by your lifestyle, your mobility and other factors.

The x axis, of course, can change over time, and it inevitably does. None of us is tied to one job and the same people throughout our whole lives! Our lives change and so does our English fluency limit:

My message to you is that you don’t have to be overly concerned about this limitation and don’t be constantly comparing your life area to that of other people. As I said, you still have an unlimited growth potential within your English fluency graph, right? So while looking at the whole thing from one perspective there is a limit, on the other hand only sky’s the limit to what you can achieve with your English fluency, so never, ever think of this x axis as an adverse factor.

Accept that this limitation is there and live in your comfort zone!

Robby

P.S. Are you ready to get on the fast track to spoken English fluency? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!

Today I’m going to continue with the last episode’s topic about how to manage situations when you’re kind of stuck when asked something in English.

Now I’ll recap the last episode in a couple of words so that you can refresh your memory!

So the first step on your way to gaining a total confidence in your English is awareness of the fact that you actually can talk about any topic in English as if it were your native tongue.

Once you’ve convinced yourself that you CAN – and bear it in mind – it’s very important – you’ve broken down the mental barrier that’s been preventing you from successful English communication.

Then you can start actually thinking over the question the very same way you’d consider a question asked in your native language.

Instead of frantically thinking what you can tell about the topic or question you just take one thing at a time, give the person a couple of counter-questions to get the conversation going, and of course don’t hesitate to use idioms like as a matter of fact, if I’m not mistaken, to the best of my knowledge and similar, to fill in the pauses in your conversation and take time.

As you may have noticed, any conversation in any language is filled with such filler phrases. Although some may argue that they serve no purpose at all and only litter our language, I don’t fully agree. If we take out everything we can from a conversation or a story leaving only dry facts, it suddenly becomes very boring…

OK, but now as promised – two powerful tips of the speech issue management and at the end of the episode – about managing casual conversations!

Tip #1 – Use Simple Language!

Don’t start telling something smart if you don’t know how you’ll finish it off! Better break down your thoughts into smaller few word sentences rather than starting a novel with no ending! Fear of speaking too simple is a pitfall so many foreign English speakers fall for – end they end up getting stuck and not being able to say a thing – which makes the problem into a vicious circle.

Remember what I said about your native language – do you always speak using super-sophisticated language? No! Any language is made up of simple, most commonly used words for the most part, so you don’t have to spend time thinking whether it’s OK to say simple words like do, make, is and so on if you’ve forgotten the exact specific English word.

For instance, you’re telling a story about the current economical situation in the world and you start it with: Many major world economies are in… and then you kind of know that you wanted to say dire straits but you suddenly just can’t remember the phrase.

The worst thing you can do now is – stopping your speech and trying remembering the exact phrase by all means. Instead you can finish off the sentence by saying – a very bad situation at the moment. You see – a very simple phrase, yet it describes the economical situation of major world economies the very same way.

Also, don’t be afraid to describe something using other words if you can’t name a particular thing or even an abstract concept in English. Let’s say, you’re telling about working out in a gym and you’ve forgotten the word dumbbell. You start off with saying And then I exercised my shoulders using those… how do you call them… they’re like barbells, only much shorter… and then the other person will certainly tell you the correct word dumbbell and then you’ll go oh, yes, dumbbells!

And even if it’s a complicated philosophical concept you’re talking about, you can still use plenty of simple words to describe something you’re not very comfortable discussing in English. But then you’d most likely be the same in your native language, remember what we spoke about in the first part of the previous episode!

OK, but now the second super-tip.

Tip #2 – Don’t speak fast!

It’s so simple, yet so many foreign English speakers have this impression as if they are compelled to speak as fast as they can. And this factor is a great contributor to the English fluency issue whereby the foreign English speaker stands with his mouth shut and mind racing!

I’ve actually been repeating the importance of slowing your speech down many times and I’ve a video made dedicated to this aspect of improving spoken English:

But as they say repetition is the mother of learning so I think it won’t hurt to repeat it one more time – slow down if you feel that you get suddenly stuck in your English conversation or in the front of class!

So adhere to the principles from the first tip, and also pronounce the words and sentences in a slow, controlled manner. It’s quite difficult to overcome the mental barrier of speaking slowly because the general consensus probably would be that the more advanced English speaker you are, the faster you can speak. But I can refute this argument with two counter-arguments!

First of all, even native English speakers when faced with a sudden question will speak slowly, think about what they actually can say, and speak in a controlled manner. And it’s actually common sense that if you haven’t had time to prepare the answer, it’s nearly impossible to form a fluent and uninterrupted story, isn’t it?

I always pay attention to radio interviews with celebrities and they always use lots of err’s, and well’s in their conversations because for the most part the questions haven’t been prepared in advance.

And secondly, if you’re left between two choices – either you try to speak very fast and mess up the whole speech, or you slow down and explain your point slowly, but understandably – which one you’ll be going for? I think you won’t think twice before choosing the second option – so I think this argument has been resolved in favour of the slow, controlled speech!

How to conduct casual conversations when you’re
asked something and you get stuck!

There are basically two types of questions you can be asked in non-formal situation – be it a launch break at work, or a party, or just running into someone on the street when you don’t know what exactly to answer and you get stuck.

First of all, there are those sorts of questions that require a standard response; it’s the so called small talk. It’s when your co-worker asks you on Monday morning – Hi, how are things, how was the weekend? On most occasions it’s just a conversation for its own sake, and you’re not required to give an elaborate answer.

By the way this is a pitfall for many foreign English speakers as they take these things too seriously. Instead of starting telling about how you actually spent your weekend, you can just reply with: Hi Mark, thanks, I’m doing fine. The weekend? Well, you know – all the usual stuff! With that Mark will most likely leave you with That’s cool, OK, catch you later! and you can respond to that with a simple Later.

- – -

To learn the most commonly used small talk phrases click on this link and by using the phrases you find on that page you really should never get stuck when bumping into someone you haven’t seen for a while!

- – -

Secondly, there are those questions when the person asking them already expects a certain answer, and you can be suddenly taken aback by the fact that you can’t tell them what they want to hear. That in turn leads to situation when you just don’t know what to say.

A good example of such a question is for instance when you’re sitting at a table in a canteen and some of your co-workers are having a chat about sports. Then one of them suddenly asks you – Hey Tommy, did you like last nights game?

Problem with these sorts of questions is that first of all, the person assumes that for one reason or another you’ve seen the game, therefore they expect an answer about the game. On many occasions you want to give that immediate response but the very nature of the question confuses you at a subconscious level. So instead of saying something you can start stuttering and your response would be something like: Err… well… I… don’t know… err…

Not the best place to be, ah?

The resolution to this issue is that you have to answer such questions from your own perspective, not from the other person’s! So a very obvious and simple answer to the previous question would be a simple: Well, I didn’t watch it! Simple as that!

You see – this sort of issue most likely occurs when we, foreign English speakers try to please native English speakers at all costs, and we want to give perfect answers. But you never have to feel inferior just because you’re a foreigner, and also your conversations can take the same shape as if you were chatting with someone in your native language!

So for instance, when you simply don’t want to answer some question not because of your English but for any other reason you might have, it’s perfectly fine if you say: Let’s leave it at that.

OK, that’s it for now and I really hope you’ll find my advice helpful!

Robby

P.S. Do you want NEVER to get stuck in a middle of a conversation again? Check out my English Harmony System HERE!