So, you’ve already realized that you have low self-esteem. Maybe you’ve even seen a therapist and you’re “working on it,” yet you’re still not happy. You’re still low on energy, you feel under-appreciated at home, and you feel invisible at work.
Why is it so hard to just feel good?
The truth is that our lives are run by our subconscious mind about 95% of the time. Think about your drive to work—you don’t think about the turns or the pedals; it’s second nature. It’s automated.
Now, look at your emotional life. Isn’t that automated, too?
Your Emotional Auto-Pilot
When you meet a colleague who irritates you, that flash of anger is instant. When you speak to your boss, that surge of anxiety—that feeling like a small child in a principal’s office—is automatic.
You aren’t choosing to feel like a child. You are reacting exactly the way you did years ago when a teacher told you that you weren’t good enough. You can try to “fake it till you make it,” but you’ve probably realized by now that clichés don’t stand up to deep-rooted subconscious programming.
The Willpower Trap
These reactions are learned behaviors and emotions acquired when we were children. As long as they remain in the subconscious, you can try every “conscious” technique in the world—willpower, positive thinking, or breathing exercises—and you will likely still fail.
Why? Because willpower is a conscious tool, but your problem is a subconscious automation. You are trying to stop a speeding train by yelling at it.
Getting to the Root Cause
The only way to stop the “automated” anxiety or the “automatic” anger is through proper healing at the root cause. You have to go back to where those emotional reactions started.
Once you heal that root, you gain a new superpower: The ability to choose.
Instead of being a slave to your reactions, you can finally make a calculated, deliberate decision. The next time that person pisses you off or that boss triggers your school-day trauma, you can stop and say: “No, I am choosing to feel differently. I am choosing a different behavior.”
By exercising this new “choice muscle,” you stop repeating your past and finally start changing the course of your life.
